Roses and Thorns

Do you ever feel that you don’t deserve happiness?
There are phases where I am good, I am fine. No anxious thoughts. No sadness. Just happiness. 
However these phases scare me because I feel something bad is bound to happen. This is temporary.
I feel like I don’t deserve a happy phase, just sadness and panic attacks. That’s what I’m destined for. 
I envy those who can sustain happiness for themselves. I struggle with it a lot. I’ve started drawing and that makes me feel like I am talented. I have skills. 
When you’re not taught how to sustain happiness for yourself as a child. it’s hard to learn it as an adult. 

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